Lillian, interesting post. I married a firstborn daughter, and she has similar traits as yourself. Sometimes she can be like her father, who is very masculine man who likes to fix things, and sometimes she can be very feminine, but is often somewhere in between. I perhaps, love it most when she’s very feminine, but I do appreciate her other qualities.
Thank you for sharing that perspective! It’s interesting how firstborn daughters often take on a blend of traditionally masculine and feminine traits, likely shaped by the roles they take on early in life.
I think that mix can make us adaptable and resourceful, though it’s always nice to feel appreciated for both sides of who we are. Your wife is lucky to have someone who values her multifaceted nature—balance truly makes us whole.
"I'm a first born daughter and my boyfriend often says I'm not feminine enough". I've heard this so many times. In my case, he said " there can't be too men in the relationship."
But I wonder when certain traits like being independent, standing up for yourself and being unapologetic about your decisions were branded masculine. Femininity isn't a one-way street, I believe.
I feel very feminine despite these traits and I think the right man won't be intimidated by them.
As a firstborn daughter, I can completely relate with the stares I give people whenever they praise me for my maternal instincts. I guess, it all boils down to settling with an emotionally matured individual who truly sees you.
As a first-born daughter I’ve learned and unlearned. I am naturally a nurturer, however what I learned is to NOT let others abuse it. Hell yea, it’s a superpower to have the capacity to love like we do, to be able to do acts of service for others, to serve and make others feel loved while SIMULTANEOUSLY loving ourselves. Hell yea were those girls. However, we don’t have to be used by those who don’t respect or appreciate us. The VERY FIRST TIME, remove yourself from disrespect and when you’re not being appreciated. You have to set those standards for yourself and learn to receive. We love to give, however we can give and receive. Me personally I would love to be with a man who is a GIVER. Let us give to each other, fill each other up (in every way you can take it to mean), and serve our community.
What an amazing write-up ma'am! This here is an embodiment of wisdom, grace, love, and selflessness. I feel so blessed because I'm actually the one you're talking about here. Thank you so much ma. God bless you❤
I think most first born daughters can relate to what you've written.
But what I think I struggle with most of all is the "trying to fix people" mentality.
Once I see you're struggling I instinctively feel like I should be responsible for you and it has affected my relationship with people in the worst ways.
Sometimes I end up losing a part of myself and in those times I need to remind myself I'm not responsible for everyone.
I’m actually an only child and have this exact sentiment as I am the only daughter/child. Hyper independent and dominant but also feminine and want to be helped and supported.
Sigh, I really thought you had answers 😭 cause wow I don’t know what I’m doing . Self sabotage in a relationship is also a BIG thing for us first daughters. And when you said “wants to clean up after others” yes yes, I caught myself doing that today and when I asked myself why I said “cause who else would do it” why?! because no one can do it like me or is as naturing , no one can make the house hold run smoothly like me and that is what causes most of my arguments with my mother . She dislikes the fact that family members ask me and trust me more then her now .. aah beautiful . Being a first daughter is such a worm hole I pray in my next life I’m the last born cause my spirit is tired , I don’t want to be the one people need or call anymore.
This is lovely Lillian and very relatable as a firstborn daughter myself.
I think it's important to have a partner that understands and knows— someone that can detect and understand when your maternal instincts kick in and you want to be stubborn and put your foot down and someone that sees you and can hold you when you want to be held.
Like you said, there's a lot of unlearning and relearning to be done.
You are in situation whereby; you want to be babied,yet you want to do the babying for someone 😮💨😮💨😮💨.
Shout out to all first born daughters.
They don't have easy, Fr 😭.
Lillian, interesting post. I married a firstborn daughter, and she has similar traits as yourself. Sometimes she can be like her father, who is very masculine man who likes to fix things, and sometimes she can be very feminine, but is often somewhere in between. I perhaps, love it most when she’s very feminine, but I do appreciate her other qualities.
Thank you for sharing that perspective! It’s interesting how firstborn daughters often take on a blend of traditionally masculine and feminine traits, likely shaped by the roles they take on early in life.
I think that mix can make us adaptable and resourceful, though it’s always nice to feel appreciated for both sides of who we are. Your wife is lucky to have someone who values her multifaceted nature—balance truly makes us whole.
Thank you. And Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours
"I'm a first born daughter and my boyfriend often says I'm not feminine enough". I've heard this so many times. In my case, he said " there can't be too men in the relationship."
But I wonder when certain traits like being independent, standing up for yourself and being unapologetic about your decisions were branded masculine. Femininity isn't a one-way street, I believe.
I feel very feminine despite these traits and I think the right man won't be intimidated by them.
As a firstborn daughter, I can completely relate with the stares I give people whenever they praise me for my maternal instincts. I guess, it all boils down to settling with an emotionally matured individual who truly sees you.
As a first-born daughter I’ve learned and unlearned. I am naturally a nurturer, however what I learned is to NOT let others abuse it. Hell yea, it’s a superpower to have the capacity to love like we do, to be able to do acts of service for others, to serve and make others feel loved while SIMULTANEOUSLY loving ourselves. Hell yea were those girls. However, we don’t have to be used by those who don’t respect or appreciate us. The VERY FIRST TIME, remove yourself from disrespect and when you’re not being appreciated. You have to set those standards for yourself and learn to receive. We love to give, however we can give and receive. Me personally I would love to be with a man who is a GIVER. Let us give to each other, fill each other up (in every way you can take it to mean), and serve our community.
It’s a privilege to be loved for and taken care of by YOU. Don’t let everyone abuse or have access to your energy and your nurturing.
“Idk if I should even see that as a compliment” is becoming awfully close to “wifey material” after reading this text🫠
What an amazing write-up ma'am! This here is an embodiment of wisdom, grace, love, and selflessness. I feel so blessed because I'm actually the one you're talking about here. Thank you so much ma. God bless you❤
This is my behaviour. I am a firstborn daughter and I can relate to every bit of your newsletter.
I think most first born daughters can relate to what you've written.
But what I think I struggle with most of all is the "trying to fix people" mentality.
Once I see you're struggling I instinctively feel like I should be responsible for you and it has affected my relationship with people in the worst ways.
Sometimes I end up losing a part of myself and in those times I need to remind myself I'm not responsible for everyone.
Beautiful article. I can relate! Whew!! The responsibilities and expectations!
It’s haaarrdddd.
This found me at such a divine timing
first born daughter here
The ones who decide to stop generational trauma and take on all the hurt our mothers and grandmas experienced
Thank you for sharing this 💜
I’m actually an only child and have this exact sentiment as I am the only daughter/child. Hyper independent and dominant but also feminine and want to be helped and supported.
Sigh, I really thought you had answers 😭 cause wow I don’t know what I’m doing . Self sabotage in a relationship is also a BIG thing for us first daughters. And when you said “wants to clean up after others” yes yes, I caught myself doing that today and when I asked myself why I said “cause who else would do it” why?! because no one can do it like me or is as naturing , no one can make the house hold run smoothly like me and that is what causes most of my arguments with my mother . She dislikes the fact that family members ask me and trust me more then her now .. aah beautiful . Being a first daughter is such a worm hole I pray in my next life I’m the last born cause my spirit is tired , I don’t want to be the one people need or call anymore.
First born here as well…..Hello from Colorado! 🪻 https://vibrationalbloom.substack.com/
This is lovely Lillian and very relatable as a firstborn daughter myself.
I think it's important to have a partner that understands and knows— someone that can detect and understand when your maternal instincts kick in and you want to be stubborn and put your foot down and someone that sees you and can hold you when you want to be held.
Like you said, there's a lot of unlearning and relearning to be done.